Did you know you can now buy software that auto-generates rom-com movie scripts? It’s called Kerching! and you just type in a few variables, like random Hollywood names, and the programme plots these actors into romantic pairings by calculating things like their combined attractiveness, the likely ‘are they, aren’t they’ column inch gossip and the comic potential resulting from the absurdity of the pairing. It then fills in all the dialogue blanks.

I believe this is how the script for Valentines Day: The Movie was made. The filmmakers have also used the optional gay plug-in and cast several gay faves like Taylor Lautner, Bradley Cooper, Eric Dane and Jamie Foxx and even have a gay couple (Dane and Cooper) in the movie – so some progress since Love Actually.

Of course, Warner Bros don’t want the wider audience to know this – it’s just a little secret between you and me – and that’s why you get Bradley Cooper appearing to want Julia Roberts in the trailer and why all reference to same sex love has been carefully edited out.